I’m sure I’m not the only person that has DREADED a relationship. After all we spend our whole lives looking for “the one” and while many are able to uphold their standards of waiting for “Mr .Right” many are settling for ” Mr. Right-Now.” Let’s face it, Disney and many other shows/movies we’ve grown up watching have set unrealistic expectations of what relationships should be. We get so frustrated with time wasted dating men that we know dang on well wasn’t worth our time …

So we go on dates for free food and to get out the house, with casual sex here and there! Not saying we aren’t looking for love, but it just gets discouraging after trying to date when it seems our generation is full of dead-end relationships and situation-ships with liars, cheaters, and users.After a while you get sick and tired of being sick and tired ! I’ve been there trust me. For years I’ve dated men who were unavailable, in some way shape or form but it didn’t click to me until years later following all my failed relationships.

You’ve probably dated them too…You know the men who seem so interested during the week but go missing every night, weekend or on holidays … how about the ones who are so “Busy” with work or family that they can’t spend time with you…Or the ones who always have their phones in their hand yet they take hours to respond to your text because they were playing video games with the boys… What about the ones who hit you up with the Wyd (What you doing) or hey stranger text at bootycall hours,when you haven’t heard from them all day?… And the list goes on and on. The biggest sign of an unavailable man is any man that finds any reason to make you an OPTION and not a PRIORITY!

As a therapist, I am constantly seeking understanding to better myself and I started thinking about my childhood and how my father lived in the home with me but was often unavailable for support! It wasn’t until after my abusive relationship in college that I started to scratch the surface of my emotional baggage that tied back to my relationship with my Father. My boyfriend (then) would tell me he loved me but in the same breath he would hit me and apologize afterwards by showering me with gifts and I equated that to LOVE. After all my mother had stayed in a dysfunctional relationship with my father my entire childhood life and I admired her loyalty so when these things were done to me by my ex I would forgive him and take him back, something my mom frequently did. It wasn’t until one day he said to me after a huge fist fight ( which happen frequently followed by a police call by our neighbors) “don’t you see I need help, it’s not okay that I treat you like this.” Then I woke up!

Shame and guilt took over and I silently processed my abuse without telling a single soul not my friends or family. But it didn’t end there, after that relationship I dated married men (didn’t find out until later) and habitual cheaters, my heart was more than BROKEN!

The lack of relationship with my father created a dysfunctional dynamic which took the driver seat in all my relationships. I was looking for men to fill a void I had buried deep down in my soul. When I got sick and tired and lost all hope in men, I earnestly seeked God to fill the void that my father and ex’s couldn’t fill.The closer I got to God the more I could see my self worth and promote and demote the men in my life accordingly.

While everyone’s path might not be the same I would encourage you to look at the pattern in each of your relationships in order to get a better understanding of who you are and make neccessary changes , in order to attract the people you want in your life. If you are reading this and know deep down in your heart you have allowed that toxic relationship to go on for way past the expiration date its time to DEAD IT! You are not a sale at Macy’s, Ross, or Forever 21. Its time to dust off your crown and place it back on your head where it belongs, you’re a QUEEN and what you allow will continue. Love You

Tips

1. If you are in an abusive relationship you can call the abuse hotline 1800-799-(SAFE) 7233 or go online to http://www.thehotline.org/

2. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed to seek help.

3. Therapy isn’t a bad thing, seek local therapy according to your needs (Mental Health is real).

4. Feel free to message me for resources, support, and advice!